Where were you?

So have you answered it yet? The only way to really avoid the decade commemoration of 9/11/01 is to hole up for the month and play juror (cut yourself off from the outside world). Everywhere I turn I read an article or posting of some sort that asks this question. I finally tried my hand at answering it today in my journaling. In 10 years, I have avoided discussing this with others for fear of sharing my own answer. At the time, I felt like a nobody. My journaling today reads, "I lived in the small guest bedroom at the Benson’s house. Sure people were kind to me, but no one in the world was really involved in my life and I wasn't personally involved in anyone else's. Church was blah and my only social life consisted of going to work or the grocery store. I had no family, at least none that cared much about my whereabouts." Those were my circumstances more than my whereabouts on 9/11.

My journaling continues:
I wanted to be sympathetic, but it wouldn’t penetrate. No one really knew yet if it was terrorism and even if, I had nothing to lose and there was nothing I could do for anyone else. No one needed my shoulder to cry on and I didn’t need theirs.
The one amazing thing that came out of 9/11 however, was its impact on Uncle Herb which in turn changed my life. Being a WWII vet, he reflected on his own efforts to fight for American freedom that was now being attacked and ridiculed that day. He has often wondered if his life was worth it. He has always wanted to make a difference. So after 9/11, Herb wanted to reassure himself that good would prevail and to support someone in a personal way rather than throwing money at an impersonal cause.
I was leaving for work one day and Beth was seeing me off out the door. She saw on the foyer table my mail from the previous day and handed me an envelope from Herb. I opened it and read the letter. There was a check for $5000!! That week, I moved out.

Have you avoided the story of your existence on 9.11.01? Why?


Do you remember Alan Jackson's song? I pasted the words here below as taken from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alanjackson/wherewereyouwhentheworldstoppedturning.html

Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?

[Chorus:]
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?

Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Or go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Did you stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love?

[Repeat Chorus 2x]
And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?

Lord, help my unbelief.

“Unbelief is an emotional response to a mental interpretation about the ultimate Relational Being where we falsely conclude that this Being is unfair, un-protective, unsafe, and untrustworthy, where we choose to trust anything and anyone but Him.”

This is taken from the September 3rd blog post by Dr. Robert Kelleman in his discussion on the psychology of unbelief. For whatever reason, God has been bringing this up in my studies. It shows up in every direction I turn lately and I am on high alert for the lessons He is teaching me in it. Kelleman is merely sharing his personal thought processing and explains how less than 2% of people actually claim to be atheist and even that is putting one’s faith in something other than God. Unbelief is rooted in finding some “fault” in God, and Kelleman explains:
Specifically, “fault” means to act in a deceitful way, tricking, an insidious manner of relating, dishonest and unfair dealings, injustice, and even perverseness. It suggests a remarkable accumulation of unrighteousness—a contemptuous view of God. Sound familiar? Satan deceived Eve into thinking that God was deceptive and unfair.

As I meet new Christians, my heart is breaking for the Church as a whole. Our marriage to Jesus as His bride is more and more mirroring our broken relationships in the home. We can get close, but not too close. We can trust to an extent, but it’s really up to Self. We’ll listen, but the Spirit doesn’t really control. Afterall, who wants to be “controlled.” It truly breaks my heart. Because people let us down, we think God will too. In utter honesty, does this describe you? Or do you live completely sold out to Him? And if you live sold out and caught in holy riptide, how would your closest friends and family say it has impacted your relationships with them? Would they say you have shown the unconditional forgiveness to them that you have received from Jesus? Would they say you love your enemies and those who curse you? Or are you quick to sign the divorce papers because somehow your God is too weak to penetrate those hurts? When it comes down to it, God is only as strong as your relationships rather than your relationships being as strong as your God.

Don’t get me wrong. I have my share of bad days and I don’t always have the right immediate reaction. But keeping with the introductory discussion, where is my trust and do I blame God for my troubles by the way I live and find some imagined fault with him? I believe I can finally say I do not find fault with God. It’s been a long road getting here and I pray God kindly reveals any areas to me that may still harbor this unbelief.

If this intrigues you, read the full post at http://www.rpmministries.org/. I’m also reading God Attachment by Dr’s Tim Clinton and Josh Straub. It has more in-depth discussion along the same lines Kelleman’s ponderings among other things.

This is where the healing begins...

First off, I would like to welcome Brazil to the guestbook. We're glad you stopped by!

Second, as you know from previous posts, Joplin, Missouri, is just across the state from where I live. I was there again last weekend and took some more pictures. I was there a month ago also. Many of you have seen the news and heard some of the stories. The tornado that struck in May was the Hurricane Katrina of the Midwest. It affected the country, not just the town. It not only left a barren path of destruction, but it also left stories of survival and hope... stories we all look to in hopes that we never endure the same hardship while also wondering how the survivors do the seemingly impossible because they have to.


The high school was demolished by the tornado as seen in the background. In the forefront stands two carvings in stumps left behind in the debris. But also in the forefront, you see the school's sign. Four letters are missing from the word Joplin. The spirit of Joplin inspired a creative soul to tape up new letters and convey the message of H.O.P.E. High School. The school is relocated this year to the local shopping mall. But I do pray that when their school is rebuilt, they will name it Joplin HOPE High School (Hope High) for short.

If I had another life to live, I would be a photo journalist. I crave a picture that tells a soul's story. This is what is left of one of the thousands of homes destroyed in Joplin -- cabinetry, a few dishes, and a storm whipped tree personified and holding a very tattered American flag proclaiming the American spirit of surviving and thriving in perilous times. "The bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave o'r the land of the free and the home of the brave!" How true as we near the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

On another note, I have taken this semester off from DC4K, but I do plan to use some of this time to produce something useable for the SafeKeepers of Divorce Care for Kids. I have created activities for children ages 5-12 based on the concepts in Healing Letters.

* Just a reminder that my photos are my personal property. Stealing is "taking something that doesn't belong to you without permission of the rightful owner." However, I will gladly sell prints of any photo you see on this site at a very reasonable price.