Ever have
one of those years when everything is a struggle and you fear every corner
because all the ones behind you have lurked with demonic attack? That’s where
my family has been this year, in the throes of a year like that. God loves to
redeem times like these. He does not take it lightly when the enemy attacks His
kids!
There are
many scenarios we could all throw into a bucket, take a pick, and they’d all be
great tales of deep impact and great victory. One of my contributions to the
bucket would be this one that begs for retelling for it tells of something I most
desperately needed to learn, which means someone else needs it too.
We put our
house on the market in August last year. That’s only after the stress of all
the circumstances that led us to that decision and then all the preparation to
get the house market-ready. It’s been a waiting game ever since. In the
meantime, we bought a house, moved, and have been paying the second mortgage
and all the debt that comes with the old life.
We were
coming to the very end of our savings with one more month of payments in our
account. With many decisions hanging in the balance, we felt we had no choice
but to quit homeschooling and put the kids in public school so I could get a
job and help with the bills. We told God that if we sold the house the day
school started, we’d still keep them in it because apparently it was His will
for it to work out this way. Until He moved us back to homeschooling, we’d stay
put, but just PLEASE, Lord, sell the house by the time school starts!
Well, the
first day of school came and my husband was home sick with strep throat and
pneumonia. But since he was home, he wasn’t going to miss riding with me to
drop all three children off at their respective schools and picking them up.
That day, while the kids were at school, I signed the final papers to release
my book to press. A lot was happening this very emotional day. Letting go of
ten years of homeschooling wasn’t coming easy for this Mother Hen. Our prayers
were answered, we thought, when we were sitting in the pick-up line to get the children
after school. Our agent called to say we got an offer on our house and by day’s
end, we had a contract with the buyer. It appeared God had answered our very
specific prayers to sell the house the day school started.
The buyer
turned out to be dishonest and gave false testimonies against us and our
property in order to get out of his contract. It was total deceit. I made a
huge mistake at this point, however. I blamed God! I really struggled with why
God would do such a thing and trick us like this, by answering our prayers and
giving us false joy, false hope, and make it look so good only to rip it out
from under us. I’ve been down enough roads and learned enough in the past
several years that I knew I couldn’t stay here in this awful place of
abandonment and betrayal. I didn’t want to go to church that weekend. I was
hurt and angry, but I also know enough by now to know the best thing I can do
in times like these is to not cut myself off from God, even if it means staying
mad; I can still stay open to listening.
At church, I
opened my Bible and began reading in Isaiah 59:15-18 (NASB) where God looked
around and could find no justice and no righteousness so He had to do it Himself,
make a way to Himself since no one
else was putting forth any effort.
“Yes, truth is lacking; and he who
turns aside from evil makes himself a prey. Now the Lord saw, and it was
displeasing in His sight that there was no justice. And He saw that there was no one to
intercede; then His own arm brought salvation to Him, and His righteousness
upheld Him. He put on righteousness like a breastplate, and a helmet of
salvation on His head; and He put on garments of vengeance for clothing and
wrapped Himself with zeal as a mantle. According to their deeds, so He will
repay, wrath to His adversaries, recompense to His enemies; to the coastlands
He will make recompense.”
When I read
that, my coldness melted. God spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “Lisa,
that’s how I feel about what happened to you this week.” Long before Jesus came
to earth as a living sacrifice for us, He was fighting for us, not against us. Furthermore,
God took up these weapons of warfare, these garments of vengeance and told us
in Ephesians 6 that these same tools are intended for US. He gave us garments
of vengeance, too, and specifically identified the enemy so we would know who
to fight.
The next day,
I took care of business. I fell to my knees with the weight of what I’d done by
accusing God of lying to us and setting us up for disappointment, when really,
it is His arch enemy that had come as the deceiver, an angel of light to steal (hope),
kill (joy), and destroy (reputations). Kneeling, facing Him in the posture of
my spirit, with my arms raised up and my heart crying out in repentance, God
boldly responded, “Woman, rise up and face your REAL enemy!” From there, I got
another sermon.
I rose to my
feet and turned around. If I was going to face my enemy, I would need spiritual
armor. I wrote in my first book Healing
Letters that our spiritual armor doesn’t cover the backside because we must
resist the devil and he will flee from us. There’s no mention of us tucking
tail and running away. But this day, I learned another part of the lesson. When
I was at the King’s feet and stood up in place and turned around right where I
was at, I realized who had my back!
Throughout
scripture, God shows Himself as light, sometimes a light so blinding that He
cannot be looked upon at all. In Heaven, there is no need for any light source
besides Jesus who lights up the entire place. So stand with me if you will in
this place where God has had me ever since. I’m standing right in front of Him
with my back to Him. I am wearing His garments of vengeance against the real
enemy dressed in the helmet of His salvation, the breastplate of His
righteousness, holding the sword of His Spirit and His word, with the belt of
His truth, and marching straight forward toward the enemy in shoes bearing His
Gospel message. With God all over me and towering high and wide behind me, how
in the world can the enemy even possibly see me with all that blinding light
shining at him?!?! It doesn’t matter what a spiritual giant I am or am not, it
matters how bright Jesus is the closer I am to Him.
It also
strikes me that, because the shining armor is on the front, when in fear I turn
back around to burrow into my Father’s proverbial chest, the enemy can see my
dark side. No longer is my armor reflecting the light outwardly, but my
darkness becomes obvious in the black silhouette it creates. Sometimes, it
really is ok to turn you back on God when you know He has your back and it’s a
team effort. You stand, face your enemy, and know Jesus is that giant light
surrounding you. God will do the rest. He’ll do your fighting for you. He’ll
defend you because you’re His child, not because you’re always right. He is the
power and strength to defeat the enemy. He is the light that blinds the enemy
to make you invisible. Just face the real enemy, then be quiet and wait for your
next command.
Are you mad
at God? Does it truly feel like He has abandoned and forsaken you against all
His promises not to do that? These very real feelings are part of the deception.
So how can they be so real if they’re a lie? Well, the feelings are real, but
they are based on a lie. Don’t cut yourself off from God because things don’t
seem fair or right. You can be mad at Him, but also remain open to the idea of
learning something in the process. When we’re angry, we put up walls built with
bricks of doubts and accusations. Be careful. It’s not the outcome the situation
that matters, rather it’s how we handle ourselves in getting there. I’m one
stubborn chick! I’ve sat in God’s throne room with my arms and legs crossed,
refusing to speak or listen. But I also refused to leave so that when I calmed
down enough, I’d be right where I needed to be to get things turned around and
in proper perspective.
“Vengeance
is Mine, says the Lord, I will repay!” These garments of vengeance are His
which He has put on us so that we may “stand.” Yes, Ephesians tells us we are
to STAND and wield the weapons of our warfare. These weapons are God’s,
therefore the vengeance is His. God doesn’t like how we are treated a lot of
times, and He rises to the occasion. We should too!
PS – We got
a new contract on our house TODAY. It is an honest and fair contract and all
parties are excited to see it through. Very different than the last time. We
are praying it all goes smoothly.
