Just there

It has been a while since I wrote my last post so it's only fair that I write something again. Honestly, there are no great stories to report about the book. When I wrote it, I did not expect it to be a NYTimes best seller. I simply wanted to make a resource available for the next person who Googled "healing letters" and otherwise wouldn't find anything. Beyond that, it was beyond me. Whatever happens with it at this point is in God's hands.

See, that's where I get hung up. I was looking through my files tonight and found something I'd filed with "Healing Letters". It's an entry from Beth Moore on Living Proof Ministries Blog entitled The Baffling Call to Communicate. Perhaps she states my dilemna best when she writes, "What are the differences between the times we are called upon by God to labor intelsely toward a victory with every last ounce of energy we have (Colossians 1:29) and times when we just stand there and watch God do the thing like we weren't even there? Or maybe we see nothing at all and go home in near despair, only for somebody to drop a note to us and say, 'God spoke the word to me that day that I've waited all my life to hear.' Sometimes they quote what they heard and you know good and well it wasn't you who said it. God talked around you instead of through you."

Like so many people, I've fought the ongoing fight of negative self-talk. And anyone who is familiar with it in the least, can only imagine what it must amount to when a fellow soldier in this battle publishes a book with her life laid bare. Coupled with the struggle to know when to go for the gusto and when to lay low, I assure you it has not been an easy ride since the published book landed in my hands. For my readers' sakes, I'd like to say it has been nothing but sweet victory, but that just isn't the case. I saw this message on a church message board recently: "Failure isn't in falling down, it's in staying down." In that regard, I am not a failure! I am victorious in Christ who helps me get back up, who gives me every reason to persist when I refuse to take the easy road and give up! Praise Him who continues to heal wounds I don't even know I have!!

The first year after I wrote Healing Letters, I wrestled with God. I did not have the financial resources to pay for the publication so it was on hold for a year until the next tax refund. A year to wrestle God. Hmm.... It was interesting, I'll say. During that time, I became content with the idea that it would not be published. I justified that it must have been for me and not for anyone else, and yes, it would have been worth it if that were the case. I remember it well what came next. It was near the end of the church service and the congregation was praying. I was talking to God about some things and as I was listening for His reply, he availed himself of the airspace to say something completely out-of-the-blue and unrelated to my conversation. He calmly spoke, "Publishing the book will be the next step in your healing." It felt like an invitation more than anything. An invitation to come and dine some more, to go back for seconds on dessert! It was also very humbling. In order to receive a blessing, I would also have to submit to whatever else that entailed. I decided at that moment that there was no turning back and I was fully committed. Not to say I didn't keep wrestling, but God stayed on His throne and kept winning.

Now that the book is out there, I have a deep respect for my readers prerogative to remain confidential. It's all about getting back to God and my prayer is that you will and that you will share Him with others when you do. But I go back to Beth Moore's blogging and ask myself how much of it is up to me? Should I try to do book signings? Should I travel? How hard should I try for consignments? Well, I'm thinking out loud here, but basically I've concluded that I'll go when He says "Go!" and I'll stay when He says "Stay." Simple enough. From the beginning, when I wrote the book, I was pregnant with child #3. I wrote at night and on weekends. My family was my priority and I have felt strongly about that all along. That alone answers some of my ponderings. No matter what wise or foolish decisions I make now, Got will get it where it needs to be. He made that very clear to me from the beginning. He wrote it for somebody, of that I am sure. It feels to me like I'm just plain ol' me and I'm just standing there and watching God do the thing like I'm not even here. It's hard to BELIEVE when you don't SEE (or when the only feedback is full of bashes). But "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I have Faith.

Thanks for listening. And thanks for stopping by..........
~Lisa

PS -- And thanks for putting up with SSSOOOOOOOOOO many technical errors in the book. As I've read through it a few times, I've seen more and more of them!